I am a mediocre friend.
By "good friend" I don't mean "close friend," I mean a person who is a good friend to everyone they're friends with. I know I'm not explaining it well. You'll get it.
A good friend is the one who, on your birthday, makes you a Flipagram or decorates your locker or texts you "happy birthday" at 12:01AM. Good friends you try on bikinis with and sunscreen their backs at the beach, then they sunscreen yours. Good friends you want to hang out with alone, not just with the whole group. You don't worry if they secretly dislike you, because you know they don't. Good friends have met all your family members. You aren't insecure around them. You're not afraid to push their buttons and tease them about offensive things. You'll wear sweats and no makeup around them.
Friends you go shopping with. You try on skirts and dresses and jeans, but you're afraid to walk out of the dressing room half naked in a bikini. They forget about your birthday until the last minute, or don't make you a Flipagram because somebody else already did. You're cautious about sunscreening each other. You don't always want to hang out with them without the rest of the group because you're afraid it will be awkward or you'll have nothing to talk about. You occasionally worry they don't like you. You are insecure about the big things with them, but not everything. You are soft with the teasing. You'll wear yoga pants and a sweatshirt around them, with minimal makeup.
Bad friends go shopping with you, but don't try anything on. They don't remember your birthday. They think it's too weird to sunscreen each other. They don't want to hang out with you outside of school, but will walk with you from class to class. You often worry they don't like you, and are very self-conscious in their presence. You don't tease them because you're scared they'll take it personally. You have to look nearly your best around them.
I'm starting to worry I'm drifting from Good Friend to Bad Friend. I've stopped decorating lockers for birthdays because it's against school rules, as if it wasn't always against school rules. I didn't even buy a present for the last friend's birthday because it wasn't required for the party, yet nearly everyone else bought one. And the frosting I brought to that birthday... Very sugary and soupy.
I'm not an insecure person in general so I don't feel insecure around my friends. I try on bikinis in front of them. I tease them but worry they'll take it personally. I do worry about some of my friends not liking me. I only have a few friends I would invite over individually on a weekend. I was Instagram stalking my friends a few minutes ago, and I noticed that I hardly wished my friends happy birthdays after their parties. I received a midnight "happy birthday" text, and a Flipagram, too. I'm so lucky to have the friends I have, and I don't even appreciate them. I've never dealt out a happy birthday Flipagram. Honestly, I don't have enough pictures of my friends for that. Even if I did, I'd probably forget.
And as for my other friends' birthdays, I've sent out e-cards in the afternoon. Because I didn't remember during the morning.
So that's why I'm planning on making a Flipagram for every upcoming birthday. I don't want to be a careless friend, and I think that's what I'm becoming.