Saturday, May 24, 2014

Makeup makes me insecure.

I am a makeup wearer. I've been one since about the middle of seventh grade. For perspective, I'm in eighth grade now.
I am torn. I don't know if I should continue to wear makeup.

PROS to wearing makeup:
  • It's fun to apply.
  • It makes me feel more confident when I'm wearing it.
  • It looks good.
CONS to wearing makeup:
  • Makes me feel very insecure when I'm not wearing it.
  • It takes a long time to apply, and it takes time out of my sleep.
  • It smells weird, and since it's on my face, I smell it all the time while I'm wearing it.
  • It makes my face feel weird. It's hard to explain, but my face just feels heavy when I have makeup on. I can feel that's there. Sometimes it even feels greasy if I'm not wearing enough powder.
  • People judge me for it.
  • Taking it off pulls out your eyelashes.
  • It smudges throughout the day and requires touch-ups, which I don't have time for.
  • It's hard to find the right foundation color.
  • When I wear a lot of eye makeup, I feel inclined to wear a lot of face makeup, because they go well together. They look good together.

This came up when I stupidly decided to put on a full face of makeup. I really regret it now.
I decided to put on some makeup because I randomly took a selfie, and upon inspecting it, I noticed the broken capillaries on my face, my red nose, and the dark acne scar on my nose. So I put on a full face of makeup.
You see, this is actually a big deal for me because I haven't put on a full face of makeup for months. I've been just using powder (not even powder foundation) on my face to sort of hide some of those things, but not makeup them completely disappear. I thought I was confident; comfortable in my own skin. But I guess not, because when I put on all that makeup, I felt so much better about my face. No more insecurities. But then, I knew that when I took it all off, I'd be insecure old me again, from seventh grade. Back to when I thought I had to be a Barbie.
Makeup killed my confidence in seventh grade. When I started wearing a full face of makeup to school every day, I realized how pretty I could make myself. That's how I decided I was ugly, and required makeup.
Now I know that I'm not ugly. Makeup doesn't make you pretty. It just hides some of your imperfections on the surface. Makeup can't give me a smaller nose, and it won't (and I don't want it to) take away my high cheekbones. But it can give me fuller eyebrows, less-red nose, and hide my broken capillaries.
But just as high cheekbones don't make me pretty, a big nose doesn't make me ugly. I'm not ugly. But I'm not a Barbie.
And that was okay with me until today. Before today, I realized that I didn't need to be a Barbie. I can have imperfections, just like everyone else. But then I took a look in the mirror and I realized that just because I don't hide them anymore, doesn't mean I don't have broken capillaries. They're not going anywhere. And that's why makeup makes me insecure.

But on the other hand, makeup is a normal thing. If everyone else is doing it, why shouldn't I? Beauty gurus on YouTube all wear a full face of makeup every day.
But I know that I'm different. I wear too much eye makeup. More than them. I wear thick eyeliner every day because I have trouble making it thinner. Eyeliner is no easy task. Sometimes I even wear a full gold smoky eye with eyeliner on top.
I disgust myself. I'm so insecure, and I didn't even know it.

I just don't know what to do. If I don't wear makeup, I miss all the pros of wearing it. If I wear makeup, I face all the cons of wearing it.

2 comments:

  1. Maybe slowly tone it down if you don't want to switch from full-makeup to no makeup...or maybe slowly go from full makeup to less visible makeup like natural lip colors and less bold eyeliner or something... idk :)

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    1. Yeah, ive been trying to do that a bit, like every few days or so. Notice how sometimes I skip foundation, concealer, and eyeshadow. Sometimes I just go powder, brows, blush, and mascara. That's really the least makeup I feel comfortable in. Also I've been trying to skip foundation and concealer whenever I can because it looks more natural and is easier and takes less long.

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