Saturday, June 21, 2014

Am I Friendly? Who am I?

This came up when I had a conversation with a friend about whether or not I am friendly. Honestly, I thought I was! But it turns out I'm not AS friendly as I thought I was. The text went like this (this is the ACTUAL text. I just changed the name of my friend.)
(read from left picture to right)

What really struck me was that she said yelling at people makes them feel more accepted. It sounds weird at first, but if you think about it, it's so true.
I was actually yelling at people yesterday in particular because it was loud. I didn't mean to, it just happened. But hey, if it helps me make friends, then I guess that's good...?
But I thought I was actually being friendly! I want to make friends of course, and I realize that the way to do that is by being friendly.

So I'm not as friendly as I thought. But I guess I should just be myself. I'm trying to turn "myself" into a better, nicer, friendlier person, not be fake and pretend to be friendly. But it's really tough. Through this process, I'm beginning to wonder who I am. Makeup and insecurities aside, who AM I? Am I actually a nice person, or is that all fake? At home, I snap at people and I'm pretty sarcastic. That used to be who I was at all times. But now, I'm friendly and optimistic everywhere else, and sarcastic and pessimistic at home.
I don't know which I am anymore. I like to think I'm friendly and nice, but am I really?

They say "just be yourself," but who is that?

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